The Wives Read online

  I clamp my mouth shut. I’m not about to tell him that Regina helped me.

  “Thursday,” Seth says, taking a step toward me.

  I flinch back and I immediately feel ashamed. Surely he wouldn’t do anything to me in front of his Hannah.

  “I’m calling the police,” he says, pulling his phone from his pocket. “You’re stalking us. You’re a danger to yourself and Hannah.”

  My mouth opens and closes in protest, but I’m too shocked to really say anything. Stalking? How could he act like I’m the danger to Hannah when he’s the one who’s been hitting her?

  “You’ve gone too far,” he continues. “It’s over, it’s been over for a while.” He places an arm around Hannah’s shoulders. Am I imagining that she’s stiffened? “I’ve told Hannah everything. She knows about us.”

  Knows about us? Knows what? A pain shoots through my forehead and I narrow my eyes, blinking against it.

  I don’t look at Seth, I pretend he’s not there; I look at Hannah, only her, the young girl whose life he’s going to ruin. She looks tiny, so much younger than Seth; his arm around her almost seems paternal.

  “Hannah,” I say gently. “What has Seth told you about me?”

  Her head snaps up as she meets my gaze, and Seth’s shoulders go rigid. She glances at Seth, whose eyes are boring into me.

  “I told her the truth,” he says. “It’s over, Thursday.”

  “I didn’t ask you, I asked Hannah.” I look over at her. “When I went to the house, you pretended not to know me...”

  She bites her bottom lip, her eyes blinking furiously. “You knew who I was,” she says. “You came to our house, pretending to be someone else. You were stalking us...” Her voice rises in crescendo.

  I need her to be calm and logical, to really listen to me. I nod. “You’re right. I did come to your house. I was curious about who you were. I knew that Seth had relationships with two other women outside of our marriage and I wanted to see...you.”

  Her head jerks like I’ve slapped her. “What are you talking about?” She glances at Seth, then back at me.

  “Seth and I are still married,” I say.

  “You’re insane.” Her voice shakes.

  I look at Seth, straining my eyes so wide it feels like they’re going to pop out of their sockets.

  “This is what you told her?” I ask him. “She never knew anything about a plural marriage. So was that story just for me, then?”

  A muscle jumps in his jaw. I can see by the look in his eyes that I’m right.

  “We were living together as husband and wife, in every way,” I say, turning to Hannah.

  Hannah starts to cry. Seth reaches for her, but she pushes him away, her sobs filling the apartment.

  “Look what you’ve done,” she says to him. “Look what you brought into our lives.”

  I look at him for the first time. His mouth opening and closing. Brought into their lives? Seth brought Hannah into mine. I was here first.

  For a minute I’m in shock. I picture him as my husband and not this monster. The man I loved, who would kiss me gently on the lips and rub my neck after a long day of work. I cooked him meals and he praised my ability; when something broke in the condo he’d get the toolbox and fix it with me standing over him, feeling pride at how good he was at everything. The hurt rushes through me and then all of a sudden it’s gone, replaced by anger. How dare he. How dare he love me one minute and discard me the next.

  Seth’s attention isn’t focused on me. It’s focused on Hannah.

  “She’s not well,” he says. “She just got out of a mental hospital. I’m sorry, Hannah... I love you, only you.”

  “Not well?” I say. “I was there because you put me there, because you were afraid of what I could say about you.” I turn my attention back to his trembling girlfriend. “He was good to me—or so I thought—and I believed everything he told me. When I lost the baby, I became useless to him. Is that the type of man you want to be with, Hannah? Someone who lies to you, who hits you, who finds other women to meet his sick, insatiable needs. It wasn’t only me,” I say. “He’s been with Regina, too.”

  “That’s why you came here?” Seth hisses. “To accuse me of hitting the woman I love? Are you insane? You’re the violent one. You attacked me when I tried to end things with you. We had to move to get away from you.”

  “There were bruises on her arms,” I yell at him. “I saw them!”

  “I told you what those bruises were from,” Hannah interjects. “I bruise easily.”

  I shake my head. “Your eye...you had a black eye that day...”

  She looks to Seth, uncertain, and for a moment I think I have her, that she’s going to admit what happened. But then she says something that shocks me.

  “We were having sex when it happened. I didn’t want to say that at the time. You and I had just met, and it was embarrassing to say. Seth accidentally elbowed me in the eye.”

  I stare at her in disbelief. Why is she still lying? “He shoved me once, when we were fighting. I hit my ear. Maybe he didn’t directly hit you but—”

  “Thursday, you came at me, pounding at my chest. I tried to hold you off...you fell...”

  Seth’s voice is exasperated, a deep line sliced between his eyebrows. What an actor! Hannah is looking from me to him like she doesn’t know who to believe. I latch on to that, knowing getting her to believe me is the only way to get her away from him.

  “No, that’s not the way I remember it.”

  He laughs bitterly. “There seems to be quite a lot you’re not remembering,” he says through gritted teeth.

  “Why is my name on your house?” I ask. I turn to Hannah. “The house you were living in belongs to me.”

  Hannah turns her face away, but Seth’s eyes bug.

  “Because it’s your house, Thursday! Your grandmother left it to you.”

  “No!” I scream. But somewhere, deep in my mind, I know it’s true. I’d already owned the condo when my grandmother passed away, and I’d offered Seth use of the house while he commuted back and forth from Portland to Seattle. He told me he’d do the renovations I wanted for free, in exchange for staying there while in Portland. A cry escapes my throat. I lift my hand to my neck. My breath is coming out in jagged gasps. How had I not known it was my house—my grandmother’s? Hannah had given me a tour and I’d followed her around the rooms like a stranger.

  “Your estate manager put it up for rent,” he says.

  I hate the way he’s looking at me: pity and disgust mar his features.

  “You’re crazy,” he says. It’s dismissive, a shake of his head. He’s glad to be done with me, he sees me as something to get rid of; he always has.

  “No, I’m not.” I’m shivering so hard I can hear my teeth rattle.

  He laughs as I stare at him. “Of course you are. You’ve always been crazy. You were obsessed with my ex-wife, just like you’re obsessed with Hannah. We were a mistake, Thursday, that’s all. I liked fucking you, are you hearing me? That’s all you were to me.”

  He turns to Hannah just as I grip the side of the sofa with one of my hands. The pain is frightening; I can feel it in my toes...my chest...my eyes.

  “Baby,” he says to her, “I made a mistake. Please...”

  “Why didn’t you tell me it was her house?” Hannah is backing away slowly, shaking her head.

  “I was going to...after I ended it with Thursday. I didn’t want to upset you. The baby... Please, Hannah, it was all a mistake. I’m so sorry.” He’s been caught in another lie. I take a hopeful step toward Hannah and Seth screams at me. “Don’t you come near her!”

  “A mistake with what?” I scream. “I’m your wife!”

  The room goes quiet as both Seth and Hannah stare at me in horror.

  “No, Thursday,” I hear from behind me. “You’r
e his mistress.”

  I freeze, my blood running cold. Turning around, I see Regina standing in the doorway, her purse slung over her shoulder as she looks around uncertainly. Our eyes meet for a second before she locates Hannah crying near the kitchen. She steps inside.

  “You were his mistress and you offered to let him live in your house with his new wife.”

  “That’s not true.” But it is true. I remember now. When Seth married Hannah, my renters had just moved out; the house was open. I’d offered it to them. I thought it would buy me favor with Seth; I’d be the giving, selfless wife. I stare at Regina, tears filling my eyes.

  “You were the reason our marriage ended,” she says. “You had an affair with Seth.”

  I hear roaring in my ears. The tips of my fingers tingle.

  “Regina told me everything, Thursday,” Seth says. “That you came to her office pretending to be someone else, and that you forced your way into her home. Your crazy theories about how I caused your miscarriage, and how you insisted my parents are alive...”

  “You told me your parents were alive! They didn’t come to our wedding—you said it was because your father was in the hospital...”

  “No,” he says, shaking his head slowly. “That’s why they didn’t come to my wedding with Regina. I told you that story.”

  “No.”

  “Yes, Thursday. Oh my God, oh my God,” he says.

  When Regina looks at me there is nothing on her face; it’s been wiped of expression. I stare at her and she stares back.

  “Why would you do this?” I ask.

  “Everyone all right?” she asks, looking from Seth to Hannah.

  “Regina—” I say.

  She cuts me off. “She left a message on my phone. Said she was coming here. I didn’t know... I was worried.”

  A chill washes over me; it starts at the back of my neck and creeps down my body like an invisible hand. I try to catch her eye. What is she doing? Surely she came here to back me up. I want to ask her what’s going on, why she won’t look at me, but my tongue is glued to the roof of my mouth and my heart pounds steadily.

  “I called the police,” she says to me. “I told them you were coming here with the intent to harm Seth or Hannah, that you’d threatened to do so.”

  My whole body is trembling now. It’s a setup, it was all a setup. When she’d told me she’d found out where Hannah was, I’d been too preoccupied to ask her how. She’d known all along where they were, and I’d played right into her hand.

  I look at Hannah, who is crying fat tears. I think of Regina’s dingy apartment, her bitterness, the things she told me about Seth. She wants to make me look crazy.

  “You fucking bitch,” I say, walking toward her. I don’t know what I intend to do, but then she’s in front of me and my hands are around her neck. It was a mistake; Seth is on me in a flash, grabbing my wrists and pulling me away. I struggle against him, kicking out, and feel my foot catch him in the knee. He grunts in pain and falls toward me, pushing me to the ground. I reach for the gun, the one I tucked into my waistband just in case. My hand is trapped, my fingers touching the cold metal; Seth’s weight is on my upper body. I hear Hannah screaming, Regina is yelling my name. I can’t let him hurt Hannah’s baby. I struggle to pull the gun free, yanking it from the confines of my jeans. My finger finds the trigger. As Seth’s knee comes down hard on my stomach I pull the trigger. I hear a loud pop and then Regina screaming out, telling Hannah to call 911. The air whooshes out of me at the same time I feel blood on my hands. Seth collapses on top of me, the gun trapped between us. His blood pools warm on my belly. I can barely breathe. And it’s in that loss of breath that I remember. Seth approaching me at the coffee shop, him telling me that he was married, my initial anger, and then our affair, getting pregnant...and his wife, Regina, leaving him. I remember thinking he’d marry me now that Regina was out of the picture, that we’d be a family. But then I lost the baby... Oh God, oh God. Waking up in the hospital and the doctor telling me that I’d never be able to have another child. The look on Seth’s face...

  And then he’d left me. For Hannah. Some slut he met who was young enough and fertile enough to have his babies. They were both from Utah; she was ten years his junior. But I’d begged him to come back to me; I’d told him that I didn’t care if he married Hannah, that I still wanted him. And so began our second affair.

  THIRTY-SIX

  It’s different this time; I am more relaxed, less anxious. The staff knows me by name and I no longer feel like a faceless victim. Dr. Steinbridge sees me three times a week. He says we are making progress.

  I wander the long, stale-smelling corridors, thinking about my choices, itemizing my weaknesses. There are so many moments in my life when I should have been awake and instead was in a sleepy, emotional trance. I allowed things to happen to me.

  I take all of the classes and groups: my favorite is holistic yoga, where we all gather in a windowless room and perch fluidly on purple mats, breathing deeply and emptying our minds of our troubles. So many troubles we have, so many disorders. Lauren brings me dinner twice a week from my favorite take-out places, and my mother visits, wearing a guilty expression and bearing huge plastic containers of homemade cookies.

  “Enough for everyone,” she says.

  I’ve never asked her what she thinks of the situation with Seth, or if she’s in contact with him. I don’t think I want to know. Once, when I said his name, a sour expression appeared on her face before it was quickly replaced by what I call her everything is all right! smile.

  Anna has flown in twice to see me. The first time she came, she marched into Queen County with plenty to say about Seth, and loud enough for everyone in the vicinity to hear. Bless her. My father has not come. I don’t expect him to. I am his broken child, an embarrassment. I lied to my parents about Seth and now they know the truth: I am a mistress, not worthy of marriage.

  During my last week in Queen County, I sit alone at dinner near the window, my tray of shepherd’s pie congealing in front of me. Jell-O, too, of course—always Jell-O. The water here tastes metallic and dirty, but I sip it slowly, staring out at the grassy lawn below. The window fogs from my breath and I breathe harder just to watch the patch of condensation grow and retract, grow and retract.

  The therapy has been a breeze, really—helpful, even. After the police came to Hannah and Seth’s temporary home and found Seth bleeding on top of me, I was taken to the hospital. I spent three days there recovering from minor wounds before they transferred me to jail to await my arraignment.

  Regina had set me up, of course, getting me to believe and accuse Seth of causing both of our miscarriages. But this turned out to help my case. My lawyer got me off on insanity and they sent me back to Queen County, this time for a much longer stay. I was relieved actually, afraid they’d send me somewhere new.

  During my first meeting with Dr. Steinbridge, just a day after I arrived, he told me that I’d been stalking Seth and his new wife for quite some time. He also told me that Seth’s ex-wife, Regina, had corroborated the story by saying that I’d shown up at her work and her home, forcing myself inside and demanding information about them. Regina produced the voice mail I’d left her right before I’d charged into Seth and Hannah’s condo. The doctor played it for me as I sat in the leather armchair across from him. I didn’t move a limb as I listened, my body tense with anticipation. Even to my own ears, I sounded crazy. It was then that Dr. Steinbridge paused the voice mail, waiting for me to either deny or own these claims. I did neither. No point in denying the stalking part—that was true, regardless of how Regina had played me. I sat in silence, listening to him, the excuses dying on my tongue.

  “You do not bear full responsibility for what happened,” Dr. Steinbridge told me. “Seth is a troubled individual, the way he grew up, the abuse he claims he suffered. He cheated on both of his wives and emotionally manipul
ated you. He used you and played into your denial. But we aren’t here to deal with Seth’s issues, we’re here to deal with yours. When you realized what was happening in your relationship with him, your mind created an alternate reality to deal with both the death of your unborn baby and the fact that Seth was moving on with someone else.”

  “But he never tried to end things with me,” I said.

  And then the good doctor produced half a dozen emails between Seth and me, all of which came directly from my email account. He let me read them. Seth, always logical, pleading with me to accept the fact that we were over and that he was sorry for cheating on Hannah. I had no memory of reading those emails, no memory of answering them. Dr. Steinbridge said that I deleted them in my desperation to pretend it wasn’t happening.

  “The police also found the account you created under the name Will Moffit, the one you used to get access to Regina...”

  “Yes, but I only did that because I thought she was cheating on him...”

  He’d looked at me sympathetically.

  “What about Seth’s parents? They sent me cards... I have them.”

  “The cards were part of your case. Your attorney presented them to the jury as evidence when you pleaded guilty by reason of insanity. You wrote them. They brought in a handwriting analyst to prove it.”

  I saw myself in line at the grocery store, a stack of cards on the conveyor belt. I’d whimpered, pressing the heels of my hands to my eyes.

  “It’s right there, Thursday, right in front of you,” he’d said, tapping the papers with a finger. His fingers were gloriously bent, like knobby tree branches. I watched them poke at the printed pages in fascination. “You and Seth were never married. He had an affair with you when he was married to his first wife, Regina. Regina left him when she found out that he got you pregnant.” He’d paused to let that sink in. “But you lost the baby, and that caused you to enter a psychotic episode.”

  Seth had not caused our miscarriages, but Regina made me believe that he had. Why? Regina had lost a baby—that all came out in the trial—but much earlier than mine, at eight weeks. She testified that she caught Seth tampering with her birth control. I’d looked back at Regina at that very moment, as she sat on the other side of the courtroom, remembering her confession in the diner that day, and I’d seen her face pale.